Today is a birthday that is significant because it does nothing but mark the passage of time. I was officially on the down slope of life last year, so this birthday is just a reinforcement of that status. It isn't that I am unhappy to have this birthday. Indeed, I spent all day writing in my mind all the things for which I am grateful. In these last few moments of my special day, I'll share a few of them.
I no longer need to worry about how other people perceive me. It isn't that I don't care, it is that I can accept myself as I am. If someone else has a problem with that they can keep it. It is not my problem.
I am no longer in a hurry. I do not mean that I have accepted being late to everything as a lifestyle choice. It means that I don't have to push myself past my own comfort zone to allow someone else to stay in theirs. I saw a bumper sticker once that said, "Your emergency is not my crisis." I allow myself extra time to get places these days, just to make sure I don't feel rushed, and I am okay with that.
A related gratitude list item is allowing myself to take my time. "Taking my time." This small sentence fragment contains a huge concept. In practical terms, I have decided that I want to take responsibility for how, when, where and with whom I spend my time. My time is a precious commodity that I have been giving away. As the end of my life peeks around the corner at me (still a distance away, In'shalla), I understand that I do not get back squandered minutes. There is no instant replay or Tivo. There is no time for regret. I will either do something and accept the outcome or I will not do it and clearly understand why. I have also come to understand that it requires time to develop that understanding. Today, I give myself the gift that is me and the time it will take to understand me.
