tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295818385801868042.post7164185311926174421..comments2013-09-19T18:53:20.029-07:00Comments on TeenParent, Ph.D.: It is all connected but sometimes it is hard to see the wiresLeslieehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09571971620927839173noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2295818385801868042.post-17734371143938355872013-09-08T19:15:12.587-07:002013-09-08T19:15:12.587-07:00Lesliee,
Thank you for sharing this! Your piece h...Lesliee,<br /><br />Thank you for sharing this! Your piece has such range in it. <br /><br />I found myself laughing in some spots: parking lot scene (imagining this stampede of big bellied girls out for justice)-, only to immediately cringe right after (how could anyone want to take advantage of this girl?!). Not to mention, I am now thinking about all of the issues that get interwoven here (girls looking to be independent and becoming a community of agents of change...). <br /><br />I remember Lucy once saying "don't write about a moment. Write the moment,". This is what you have done. I felt like I was watching it play out rather than reading about it. <br /><br />It's funny, because when I read an earlier post about how you had stayed at a Catholic Maternity hospital, I imagined some ivy covered country cottage/church in Maine or somewhere else in New England. I guess maybe I've seen that in movies. But your description: "The building was stucco painted baby shit yellow and it looked more like the back entrance to the place where you get your oil changed" totally brought me to your reality. I like that because it is real. As much as this piece is screaming to be turned into a major motion picture, it is real. Talk about vulnerable!<br /><br />You did say to press, so here it goes.<br /><br />I wish you would sloooow down. As a reader I want the whole story. Obviously blog installments aren't meant to read like a novel, but I wish it would. This is a compliment. I (selfishly) want the whole thing start to finish-- but perhaps that is not the format you planning. Are you considering turning these pieces into longer pieces? Perhaps spending more time in a particular scene would allow you to add more of yourself. For example, when your "mom turned to [you] and said, 'See you in a few months.'" I am curious to know what was going through your head and heart. It works without your personal thoughts being stated: as a reader I am plugging MY feelings in there. But it could add another layer to get your feelings in there too.<br /><br />It would be interesting to read about what was discussed among the girls. Did all age groups hang out? Or did you stick with homogeneous groups? Were people mean to Laura? What was it like when she left?<br /><br />What was it like for YOU? Again, I am not sure of your ultimate goal for how these pieces will look or function, BUT, I as a reader, I am left wanting more. It's not that there isn't enough here, but I am nosey ;)<br /><br />thanks again for sharing. <br /><br />Beth Winschuhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01398294433144384922noreply@blogger.com